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On Lance Armstrong’s Second-Place Triathlon Finish

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How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
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On Lance Armstrong’s Second-Place Triathlon Finish

  • "I've been meaning to ask: Am I allowed to stop wearing this yellow bracelet yet?"

  • "They say he snubbed the winner at the finish line, but I've always thought of him as a gracious, humble competitor who loves using postage stamps."

  • "Fatass."

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