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On NASCAR Suddenly Declining In Popularity

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How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
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On NASCAR Suddenly Declining In Popularity

  • "Really? Even though more money and advertising time has been pumped into stock car racing than ever? Well, all right! USA! USA! USA!"

  • "People must have figured out that they can watch the cars driving by their house for free."

  • "In possibly unrelated news, the national literacy rate is at an all-time high."

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