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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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On Peyton Manning Going To The Broncos

  • "God is gracious and knows we love nothing more than seeing bad things happen to Tim Tebow."

  • "I guess it doesn't matter now if Tebow was never born."

  • "It seems strange to be praising a John Elway business decision, but what could be questionable about handing $96 million to a guy who was cut from his last team?"

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