On Randy Moss And Terrell Owens Behaving Themselves So Far This Season

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Vol 43 Issue 52

Fantasy Draft Preparation - Ep. 1

Fantasy coach Brad Blevins meets with NFL star Matt Forte in preparation for what Brad hopes will be his team’s first ever championship season.

All-Time Greatest Upsets

Stanford's defeat of top-ranked USC is merely the latest upset in a season that has already held more than its share. Onion Sports runs down some...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Comfort

  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

On Randy Moss And Terrell Owens Behaving Themselves So Far This Season

  • "Not to burst anyone's bubble, but I saw T. O. at Chuck E. Cheese last night and his poor parents couldn't get him to stop crying the whole time."


  • "This is going to sound crazy, but just maybe it has something to do with them being on the two best teams and scoring lots of touchdowns."


  • "Still, get your popcorn ready."


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