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On Sammy Sosa's Strangely Lightening Skin:

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How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
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On Sammy Sosa's Strangely Lightening Skin:

  • "Uh-oh... that's one of the first symptoms of corking yourself."

  • "Suddenly I remember him being much grittier and hard-working than I did before."

  • "It's not as crazy as you think. He paid lots of money so his skin would change color. It's not like it just happened naturally or anything."

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