On The Jets Defeating The Patriots 16-9

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Vol 45 Issue 39

Cat Congress Mired In Sunbeam

WASHINGTON—"We've come up against an unforeseen circumstance, but we'll resume deliberation and voting as quickly as is reasonably possible," said majority leader and Budget Committee chaircat Sen. Creamsicle (D-ND), stretching out to his entire length and repeatedly kneading the chamber carpet.
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On The Jets Defeating The Patriots 16-9

  • "I realize he only threw for 163 yards and led his team to one touchdown, but can I give all the credit to Mark Sanchez anyway?"


  • "The Jets really sent a message to the Pats: if everything goes absolutely perfect, they can barely squeeze out a victory."


  • "Tom Brady needs to start stepping into his throws or else he's never going to suffer another painful, crippling injury."


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