On The Lakers Being Eliminated

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Vol 47 Issue 20

Man's Life Riddled With Continuity Errors

DENTON, TX—Sources confirmed Friday that the life of local marketing associate Rich Hammond has been plagued by a series of glaring errors in continuity, leading many to believe it was poorly thought out, with little regard for basic logic or consis...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

On The Lakers Being Eliminated

  • “Well, on the plus side, at least that means there’s less of a chance for people to find out that I’m a Lakers fan.”


  • “It’s never a good sign in any sport when a team loses.”


  • "Mark my words: Either that team will never win a title, or I've never watched the NBA and know nothing about it!"


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