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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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On The Packers' Disappointing Start

On the heels of a Super Bowl win two years ago and a 15-1 season last year, the Green Bay Packers take a disappointing 2-3 record into their week-six matchup against the unbeaten Houston Texans. What do you think?

  • “Yeah, it’s disappointing they don’t look as bad as that Super Bowl team from two years ago that started 3-3.”

  • “The Packers are just one solid running back, two defensive ends, three linebackers, two cornerbacks, one safety, one left tackle, one right tackle, and one left guard away from being a Super Bowl contender again.”

  • “It’s a shame that they’re in a league where no team could possibly come back from a slow start to win a championship.”

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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