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On The Tigers Signing Prince Fielder

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How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
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On The Tigers Signing Prince Fielder

  • "I hope they play Cabrera at third so we can witness the athletic spectacle of fat guys throwing across the diamond to each other."

  • "Considering some thought the biggest threat in their division next season would be the Royals, I think they just may have a shot of making the playoffs."

  • "Seeing some fat twentysomething get a $214 million job should really help that city's unemployed feel better about themselves."

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