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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Holiday

On The Year In Baseball

  • "MLB's measures to rid baseball of steroids have destroyed hitting and flooded the record books with no-hitters. Shameful."


  • "I'm just happy the Yankees lost. I would have preferred it to have been in the World Series against the Phillies, but, eh, who gives a shit? It's just baseball."


  • "I liked it when Cliff Lee played, because he's a guy we're all supposed to pay attention to and like now."


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