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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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On Tiger Woods Leaving The Players Championship With A Neck Injury

  • "Fortune is a harsh mistress, as are harsh mistresses."

  • "I thought his therapy was supposed to take care of problems like these?"

  • "Well, looks like we're just about through tearing his life apart. Who's next? LeBron? That would be a good one."

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