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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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One Cell Phone Per Two Humans

A report in November announced that there are 3.3 billion mobile phone accounts—one for every two people in the world. What do you think?
  • "That many? Looks like planet Earth is doing pretty good for itself."

    Geoff Ripps Consultant
  • "Oh yeah? But how many of them have a cell phone that can do this? Check this out."

    Tessa Febre Hair Stylist
  • "Call me old-fashioned, but I still prefer yelling."

    Tom Robbins Systems Analyst
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