adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

One Direction Wins Big At VMAs

London-based boy band One Direction took home three MTV Video Music Awards last night, beating out Rihanna, Maroon 5, and Justin Bieber for best pop video with their chart-topping debut, “What Makes You Beautiful.” What do you think?

  • “Looks like all those hours of songwriting finally paid off.”

    Rico Chuba Mine Safety Engineer
  • “I wonder whether Americans are ready for British music.”

    Bruce Essenfeld Systems Analyst
  • “Another, nearly identical band was robbed!”

    Donna Bracewell Neuropathologist

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close