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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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One In 3 Ticks Carry Lyme Disease

A survey of deer ticks in Minnesota revealed that about a third of them carried Lyme disease. What do you think?
  • "A more rapid industrialization of the Minnesota area would cut down on the woodland habitat the ticks need to survive."

    Matt Bennett Manager
  • "Coagulated fish parts ought to cure the ailments of your body and soul."

    Carol Bell Laborer
  • "How shameful. Ticks in China do not carry disease. Instead, they bring wealth and good fortune to all who are lucky enough to be chosen as hosts.”

    Gordon Hall Wise Secretary
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