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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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One in Five Scientists Use Brain Enhancing Drugs

One in five respondents to a poll conducted by the journal Nature said they had used drugs to boost their brain power. What do you think?
  • "The real danger here is the use of these drugs by aspiring scientists trying desperately to emulate their heroes and to secure their own fame and fortune."

    Ralph Liples Electrician
  • "I can't wait to see that smug fuck Albert Fert stripped of his Nobel."

    Cara McKay Pharmacist
  • "When will scientists learn that real progress comes from the heart, not from some test tube full of chemicals."

    Perry Kelly Cabinet Maker
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