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Onion Continues To Touch Millions

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Saudi Authorities Decry Wasteful 3-Hour Death-Row Appeals Process

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—Criticizing the amount of time and money wasted between a condemned individual’s sentencing and eventual execution, Saudi government officials expressed frustration Monday over the country’s costly three-hour appeals process for convicts facing the death penalty.

Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.
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Onion Continues To Touch Millions

The Onion has touched countless lives over its 250 years of publication. What story has affected you the most?

  • "Since each one is better than the last, I'd have to say the final story in the most recent issue."

    Anthony Byrne
    Linter-Saw Sharpener
  • "It wasn't easy to read about the physics behind Princess Diana's death, but I'm glad I did it."

    Maya Griff
    Shank Taper
  • "Wow, that's like asking me to choose which of my children is my favorite. But if you twisted my arm, I'd have to say its penetrating critique of state-government cronyism, and my firstborn son, Kevin."

    Steve Mackey
    Unemployed

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