'Onion' Snubbed By Pulitzers

Top Headlines

Recent News

Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

'Onion' Snubbed By Pulitzers

This year, the Pulitzer Board has once again neglected to bestow an award upon The Onion. What do you think?

  • "You too? Man, those guys are dicks to everybody.”

    Tina Gladstone Systems Analyst
  • "If I know the Pulitzer Board, they are just drawing out the process to heighten the suspense. The Pulitzer Board thrives on adrenaline."

    Brendan Hoppus Train Clerk
  • "Of course they did. The Pulitzer is a prize for third-rate, unrefined journalistic excrement masquerading as enlightened commentary, correct? How else does George Will have one?"

    Frederick Malina Unemployed


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close