adBlockCheck

Recent News

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Online Wizarding University Opens For Harry Potter Fans

Die-hard fans of the Harry Potter series have opened Hogwarts Is Here, a free online university open to “all aspiring witches and wizards” where students enroll in nine-week courses based on classes Harry takes in the books. What do you think?

  • “You still can’t beat a degree from a brick-and-mortar fantasy university.”

    James Macaluso Metal Sculptor
  • “Come on, everyone knows all those online universities are scams.”

    Jenny Huston Skin Care Specialist
  • “I didn’t get in, but it was still neat to have a small owl deliver my rejection letter.”

    Ken Dreiband-Burman Paratransit Driver

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close