adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Online Wizarding University Opens For Harry Potter Fans

Die-hard fans of the Harry Potter series have opened Hogwarts Is Here, a free online university open to “all aspiring witches and wizards” where students enroll in nine-week courses based on classes Harry takes in the books. What do you think?

  • “You still can’t beat a degree from a brick-and-mortar fantasy university.”

    James Macaluso Metal Sculptor
  • “Come on, everyone knows all those online universities are scams.”

    Jenny Huston Skin Care Specialist
  • “I didn’t get in, but it was still neat to have a small owl deliver my rejection letter.”

    Ken Dreiband-Burman Paratransit Driver

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close