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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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Oprah Selects Franzen Again

Despite the author publicly admitting his discomfort at his novel The Corrections being chosen as an Oprah Book Club selection in 2001, Oprah Winfrey has picked Jonathan Franzen's new book, Freedom, as her latest selection. What do you think?

  • "Aww. I love it when off-putting snobs get a second chance."

    Ken Bennett Systems Analyst
  • "You'd think she’d go for something fresher, like an erotic vampire romance novel available exclusively through Amazon’s print-on-demand service."

    Shelby Best Novelist
  • "I don't know who I feel more embarrassed for: Jonathan Franzen for caving in and being on Oprah's Book Club twice, or me, for not finding time to read a book while Oprah Winfrey manages to read several."

    Dane Sotos Waiter
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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

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