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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Oreos As Addictive As Cocaine Among Rats

A recent study from Connecticut College found that more neurons were activated in the “pleasure center” of lab rats’ brains when they ate Oreos than when they were exposed to morphine or cocaine. What do you think?

  • “I’ve done some things I’m not proud of to hitch a ride on the sweet zebra.”

    Jeff Wetzel Electric Razor Assembler
  • “Eating an entire line of Oreos also makes you feel super confident.”

    Rachel McLagen Escort
  • “Just let me get a bite of that Double Stuf and I’ll say whatever you want.”

    Dudley Holland Barge Captain

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