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Oreos As Addictive As Cocaine Among Rats

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Oreos As Addictive As Cocaine Among Rats

A recent study from Connecticut College found that more neurons were activated in the “pleasure center” of lab rats’ brains when they ate Oreos than when they were exposed to morphine or cocaine. What do you think?

  • “I’ve done some things I’m not proud of to hitch a ride on the sweet zebra.”

    Jeff Wetzel Electric Razor Assembler
  • “Eating an entire line of Oreos also makes you feel super confident.”

    Rachel McLagen Escort
  • “Just let me get a bite of that Double Stuf and I’ll say whatever you want.”

    Dudley Holland Barge Captain

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