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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Ortega's Return to Nicaragua

Daniel Ortega, the one-time Sandanista leader, was just elected to president of Nicaragua. What do you think?
  • "I'm glad Reagan didn't live to see this. No, wait. I'm just glad he's dead."

    Veronica Keller Beautician
  • "I haven't seen him in a while, does he still have the same glasses?"

    Derek Glazer Systems Analyst
  • "Well, we're screwed. With those impotent Dems retaking Congress, Ortega back as president, and our military forces committed in Iraq, it's the perfect time for the Sandanista Hordes to make their move."

    Nick Jones Jeweler
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