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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Overeating Like Drug Addiction

A recent study, published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences stated that overeating is like drug addiction. What do you think?
  • "The biggest challenge for me has been dropping my eating buddies and acquiring a new group of friends who don't eat."

    James McKellan Loan Officer
  • "So that's why I pawned my mom's jewelry for a can of nacho cheese sauce."

    Jane Cooper Systems Analyst
  • "I'm in step eight of recovery. I am apologizing to every person I stole an onion ring from for the last ten years."

    Julio Marquez Bail Bondsman

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