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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Overhead Bins Grow To Hold Larger Carry-Ons

Several airlines, including Delta, American, and United, are buying new planes with larger overhead bins or retrofitting older planes to accommodate larger carry-on bags. What do you think?

  • "Good. I hate storing my things in another part of the same plane I'm flying on."

    Chris Steadman Systems Analyst
  • "That's great news for customers. Larger carry-ons means more weight on flights, which means greater fuel consumption, which should send ticket prices down, if I'm not mistaken."

    Candice Blythe Mycologist
  • "I'm going to use the extra space to store all my problems, because I'm on vacation!"

    Timothy Locke Flux Mixer
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