adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Oxford Apologizes For Sexist Definition

Oxford Dictionaries has responded to anthropologist Michael Oman-Reagan after the latter argued their definition of “rabid” was sexist due to its use of the example phrase “rabid feminist,” a term that Oxford has promised to revisit and potentially revise in their collection going forward. What do you think?

  • “That’s too bad. Dictionaries were one of the last places where men were free to be men.”

    Amos Aronson Staple Bender
  • “So should I get a shot if a feminist bites me or not?”

    Tammy Lefkin Dumpling Wrapper
  • “I guess now we can’t even compare women to dogs without being labeled sexist.”

    Todd Vail Culinary Correspondent

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close