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‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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Oxford Comma Wins Court Case For Workers

Maine dairy workers argued in a recent lawsuit that the lack of an Oxford comma in their contract rendered its overtime exemptions too vague and that they were thus eligible for overtime wages, an argument that won them the case. What do you think?

  • “What, now you’ve got to follow grammar rules to exploit your workforce?”

    Effie Binder Token Counter
  • “If we don’t demarcate penultimate items in a list from their coordinating conjunctions, just what separates man from the beasts?”

    Noel Dierks Patent Denier
  • “This is why I always check the restraining orders I’m issued for any invalidating punctuation.”

    Hugh O'Malley Competitive Whittler

More from this section

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

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