adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

Oxford Comma Wins Court Case For Workers

Maine dairy workers argued in a recent lawsuit that the lack of an Oxford comma in their contract rendered its overtime exemptions too vague and that they were thus eligible for overtime wages, an argument that won them the case. What do you think?

  • “What, now you’ve got to follow grammar rules to exploit your workforce?”

    Effie Binder Token Counter
  • “If we don’t demarcate penultimate items in a list from their coordinating conjunctions, just what separates man from the beasts?”

    Noel Dierks Patent Denier
  • “This is why I always check the restraining orders I’m issued for any invalidating punctuation.”

    Hugh O'Malley Competitive Whittler

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close