adBlockCheck

Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
End Of Section
  • More News

Pain Medication Use Skyrocketing

Since 1997, the use of prescription painkillers in the United States has risen 88 percent, and oxycodone, the main ingredient in OxyContin, has increased sixfold. What do you think?
  • "Why didn't the American people tell me they were hurting?"

    Kathryn Hodgkins Systems Analyst
  • "If it wasn't for painkillers, pain sufferers would be forced to resort to voodoo medicine like physical therapy and chiropractics."

    Josh Day Nutritionist
  • "This is obviously an indicator of major growth in two sectors of our nation's population, older people and hillbillies."

    Robert Wharton Shoe Repairman

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close