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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Painkiller Overdose Deaths At Record High

Records show that in 2008, overdose deaths from painkillers surged to 15,000, more than from heroin and cocaine combined. What do you think?

  • "Well, if all those crybabies stopped going, 'Wah, wah, wah! My shattered kneecap hurts. Gimme pills!' we wouldn’t have this problem."

    Adam Sellins Package Crimper
  • "I've always just stuck to huffing. Is anyone dying from that? Because I really love it and have no plans to stop."

    Keith Starzelski Furniture Detailer
  • "Yeah, that was so 2008, after Heath Ledger's death and all. Now complications from pancreatic cancer is totally the hip way to go.”

    Frieda Chavez Unemployed

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