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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Pakistan Bans YouTube

The government of Pakistan has blocked access to YouTube over anti-Islamic clips posted on the video-sharing site. What do you think?
  • "It's a shame that now the only place for Pakistan's amateur filmmakers to post their work is CNN."

    Chris Ricciardi Documentation Clerk
  • "Hopefully there will be a day in which little Pakistani boys and girls can come together with their Western counterparts and watch a video of a horny donkey trying to hump a guy taking a leak in its pasture."

    Janelle Ashland Purification Assistant
  • "I'd expect this kind of fear-mongering behavior from Russia, China, America, France, England, Iran, Japan, Spain, Germany, Venezuela, and Israel. But not Pakistan."

    Blake Barrie Asbestos Abatement Worker

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