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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Palace Of Biblical King David Found

A team of Israeli archaeologists claim to have uncovered the ruins of the famed biblical King David’s palace near Jerusalem, though some historians and archaeologists dispute the findings and others claim David never existed at all. What do you think?

  • “To confirm that it’s David, they should look around for a small stone.”

    Harley Whalen Systems Analyst
  • “Hmm, what’s the address of that house they found? Because they should check the Bible to see if it matches up.”

    Leora Musgrove Polishing Wheel Repairer
  • “I guess that place in Paterson I thought was King David’s belonged to some other guy.”

    Iggy Bly Unclaimed Property Officer

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