Palestinian Leader Arafat Exhumed

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Vol 48 Issue 48

Congress Arrested On Manslaughter Charges

WASHINGTON—In a stunning development that has left every federal institution reeling, the U.S. government’s legislative branch was arrested this afternoon on 23.3 million separate charges of manslaughter, sources confirmed. Citing numerous let...

Congress Arrested On Manslaughter Charges

In a stunning development that has left every federal institution reeling, the U.S. government’s legislative branch was arrested this afternoon on 23.3 million separate charges of manslaughter, sources confirmed.

Reports Of Movie Being Good Reach Area Man

CHICAGO—Local resident Daniel Paxson has reportedly heard dozens of accounts from numerous friendly sources in the past two weeks confirming that the new James Bond film is pretty good.

Nick Moyer

In a private ceremony Thursday night, members of Kappa Delta Psi honored the memory of their recently deceased fraternity brother Nick Moyer by doing what he loved best: drinking a lot of Busch and showing their dicks to one another.

U.N. Votes To Recognize Palestine

Over the strong opposition of the United States and Israel, the U.N. General Assembly voted 138 to 9 to grant the West Bank and Gaza Strip status as a “non-member observer state,” moving one step closer to recognizing Palestinian sovereignty. What do you think?
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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Palestinian Leader Arafat Exhumed

Following an investigation that found polonium-210, a lethal chemical, on articles of his clothing, the body of longtime Palestinian nationalist leader Yasser Arafat, who died in 2004, was exhumed today to determine whether he was poisoned. What do you think?

  • “But who would want to kill Yasser Arafat?”

    Patrick Voorheis
    Maintenance Dispatcher
  • “How do we know his clothes didn’t just come like that, like those jeans that come ripped?”

    Kendra Rojas
    Diving Board Assembler
  • “If their hunch is correct, they need to administer the antidote ASAP.”

    Stefan Remmel
    Unemployed
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