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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Palm Pre Released

Dubbed by some as "the iPhone killer," Palm released its Sprint-exclusive touch-screen phone, the Pre on Saturday. What do you think?
  • "Yeah, me and a bunch of other guys camped outside the Sprint store all night. When it opened, however, I found out that everyone else was just homeless.”

    Darren McClintock Systems Analyst
  • "In my experience, being drunk is really the most effective iPhone killer."

    Carly Strait Embalmer
  • "All these touch-screen devices are leaving people with greasy hands back in the dark ages."

    Kevin Scarpula Rivet Spinner

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