Panda Born At National Zoo

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Vol 48 Issue 38

The Bird Sniffer

PBS 8:00 p.m. EDT/7:00 p.m. CDT Ornithologist and acclaimed odor-describer Dr. Charles Wemple attempts to get a rare whiff of a freshly hatched ivory-billed woodpecker before the mother pecks the bejeezus out of his face.

Area Mom Was Waiting In The Car For 20 Minutes

LEXINGTON, MA—According to sources within the car-pool lane at Lexington High School, your mom has been waiting for you in the car for over 20 minutes, and now she’s going to be late, which is just great.

That Chair Over There

No one’s using it at the moment. Go ahead, take a seat. You can always get up if someone comes back.
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Panda Born At National Zoo

After five disappointing false pregnancies, Mei Xiang, the female panda at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C., gave birth to a four-ounce cub last night, stunning zoo officials. What do you think?

  • “May mother and child enjoy many years of being gawked at in a cage.”

    Gene Tanchauco
    Systems Analyst
  • “I’ll give a shit once the cub looks cute and furry and not like a wiggling piece of sausage.”

    Sage Ralston
    Shuttle Bus Driver
  • “Did it sneeze? Don’t bother me until it sneezes.”

    Jayne Caefer
    Air-Conditioning Mechanic
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