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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Panda Born At National Zoo

After five disappointing false pregnancies, Mei Xiang, the female panda at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C., gave birth to a four-ounce cub last night, stunning zoo officials. What do you think?

  • “May mother and child enjoy many years of being gawked at in a cage.”

    Gene Tanchauco Systems Analyst
  • “I’ll give a shit once the cub looks cute and furry and not like a wiggling piece of sausage.”

    Sage Ralston Shuttle Bus Driver
  • “Did it sneeze? Don’t bother me until it sneezes.”

    Jayne Caefer Air-Conditioning Mechanic
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