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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Parental Drinking Supervision Doesn't Work

A new study concludes that teens who drink with parental approval and supervision have a higher risk of becoming problem drinkers than those who wait until they're 21. What do you think?

  • “Like I’m going to let the public school system indoctrinate my kid against our household’s preferred brand of vodka.”

    Raoul Williams Handle Maker
  • "Fine, no more alcohol. But I'll really have to step up my shockingly open flirtation with my son's friends if I'm going to retain my 'cool mom' status."

    Dixie Yennie Benefits Manager
  • "Come on, man, my kids aren't even fun unless they're a little drunk."

    Carson Kitamura Rabble-Furnace Tender
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