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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Parental Drinking Supervision Doesn't Work

A new study concludes that teens who drink with parental approval and supervision have a higher risk of becoming problem drinkers than those who wait until they're 21. What do you think?

  • “Like I’m going to let the public school system indoctrinate my kid against our household’s preferred brand of vodka.”

    Raoul Williams Handle Maker
  • "Fine, no more alcohol. But I'll really have to step up my shockingly open flirtation with my son's friends if I'm going to retain my 'cool mom' status."

    Dixie Yennie Benefits Manager
  • "Come on, man, my kids aren't even fun unless they're a little drunk."

    Carson Kitamura Rabble-Furnace Tender

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