After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Parents Against Swine Flu Vaccine

An Associated Press poll shows that 38 percent of all parents do not want their children vaccinated against the H1N1 virus, or swine flu. What do you think?
  • "I would refuse to let my child have the flu vaccine if he hadn't died of measles earlier this year."

    Deb Hawley Systems Analyst
  • "If there's a cure, my son won't feel threatened every time I held up this fake vial of the virus. How else am I supposed to get him to do chores?"

    Harvey Enkler Cocktail Lounge Manager
  • "All right, you got me! I don't love my kids."

    Orlando Griffin Sand Caster

After Birth

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