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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Parents Urged To Suck Infants' Pacifiers To Prevent Allergies

A study found that parents could help prevent allergies in their infants by sucking on their children’s pacifiers before returning them to the kids, thereby introducing them to a variety of oral bacteria and aiding their immune system development. What do you think?

  • “Owning a baby just keeps getting grosser and grosser.”

    Alexander Bonnet Unemployed
  • “It’s been quite a while since I’ve sucked on a pacifier. But not quite as long as you might hope.”

    Aurora Roland Silhouette Artist
  • “I don’t love my kid that much.”

    Werner Schafer Engine Assembler
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