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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.
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Paris And Los Angeles To Host 2024, 2028 Olympics

Although it’s still unknown which city will host which year, the International Olympic Committee has designated Paris and Los Angeles as the next two Summer Olympics hosts. What do you think?

  • “Hosting the Olympics may be expensive, but how else do you get people interested in checking out a city like Paris?”

    Sarah Garlock Automotive Scrapper
  • “If they’re looking to save money on stadiums, I’ve got a buddy in Rio trying to unload a couple of lightly used ones.”

    Geoff Sutherland Shoe Sizer
  • “Man, and I still don’t even know what I’m doing this weekend.”

    Daniel Arancio Balm Enthusiast

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