adBlockCheck

Recent News

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

Parrots Observed Using Tools, Sharing

Psychologists have found that captive parrots use tools such as pebbles or date pits to scrape the inside of seashells to derive their nourishing calcium powder and also share those tools with one another, the first evidence of a nonhuman species exhibiting these behaviors. What do you think?

  • “I bet they’re selfish in other ways, though.”

    Tammy Blankenship Systems Analyst
  • “What a fascinating discovery right before we inevitably eliminate the species.”

    Alex Connor Prison Janitor
  • “A date pit—of course! Why didn’t I think of that?”

    Rusty Bohls Charity Registrar
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close