'Partial-Birth Abortion' Ban Upheld

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Vol 43 Issue 16

Britney Loses Custody Of Children

A judge ruled Monday that Britney Spears must surrender custody of her two sons to ex-husband Kevin Federline because of her alleged substance abuse....
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Originality

'Partial-Birth Abortion' Ban Upheld

The Supreme Court upheld a 2003 Congressional ban on intact dilation and evacuation of a fetus. What do you think?
  • "But what if you don't find out till late in the pregnancy that your fetus is doomed to be a total nerd?"

    Theresa Bennell
    Systems Analyst
  • "Partial-birth abortion is a horrific practice second only to the grotesque act of sexual intercourse."

    Keith Milan
    Gymnastics Coach
  • "This ban just ruins the whole abortion experience for me."

    Ivan Sarkisian
    Respiratory Therapist
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