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Politics

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Pat Robertson Endorses Giuliani

Televangelist Pat Robertson has endorsed former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani as Republican presidential candidate despite Giuliani's pro-abortion rights stance. What do you think?
  • "This makes perfect sense in light of his pro-Pat Robertson stance."

    Ashley Brennan Systems Analyst
  • "I don't know whose credibility this ruins more."

    David Oppenheimer Pewter Caster
  • "Between an abrupt return to seasonal temperatures, the very real threat of no new episodes of Lost, and now this presidential endorsement, I am not exactly sure what the hell is going on."

    Mike Hilleman Fish Cleaner

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