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Pat Robertson Endorses Giuliani

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Extreme Storms To Rip Through Godforsaken Midwestern Wasteland

The Onion Weather Center focuses on the Midwest, where a storm system should recede into the distance like any hope of a stable economic future; a tornado bears down on a podunk, backwater hick town; and field reporter Matt Jennings is live from God knows where.

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.
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Pat Robertson Endorses Giuliani

Televangelist Pat Robertson has endorsed former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani as Republican presidential candidate despite Giuliani's pro-abortion rights stance. What do you think?
  • "This makes perfect sense in light of his pro-Pat Robertson stance."

    Ashley Brennan Systems Analyst
  • "I don't know whose credibility this ruins more."

    David Oppenheimer Pewter Caster
  • "Between an abrupt return to seasonal temperatures, the very real threat of no new episodes of Lost, and now this presidential endorsement, I am not exactly sure what the hell is going on."

    Mike Hilleman Fish Cleaner

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