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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Patrick Duffy’s Ideal Role

What role do you think Patrick Duffy would be best suited for?
  • "I think he should play the lone survivor of an aquatic race who uses his special powers to aid the government. He already played one? Well, then how about the patriarch of a blended family? Really? Wow. This guy is good."

    Donald Zagoras Marine Recruiter
  • “Does one instruct Beethoven on which key is most pleasing or tell Picasso what colors are fairest? No. One simply admires a virtuoso at work.”

    Felix Tunnison Drywaller
  • "Anything where he gets to smile."

    Mary Nahn Museum Curator

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