adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
End Of Section
  • More News

Patrick Duffy's New Film

Production is complete on He's Such A Girl, starring Patrick Duffy. Why hasn't this film been released yet? What do you think?
  • “They’re probably working on a title that isn’t so incongruous with Patrick Duffy’s irrefutable virility.”

    Amanda Scott Account Representative
  • “You tell me. In this period of economic distress, you would assume the first thing people would be running to is Patrick Duffy.”

    Mike Gale Systems Analyst
  • “The Duff loves to keep 'em waiting.”

    Tom Bruckner Retail Cashier

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close