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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.
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Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr To Perform At Grammys

Surviving Beatles Sir Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr will perform together at this year’s Grammy Awards on January 26. What do you think?

  • “Finally, my kids will get to experience Beatlemania for themselves!”

    Art Kantrowe Outsole Cutter
  • “Wait, sirs are permitted to play with non-sirs?”

    Juliana Guerrero Fortune Teller
  • “Those two just love rubbing it in George and John’s faces that they’re still alive.”

    Lester Benson Tunnel Worker

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