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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.
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Paul McCartney To Headline Bonnaroo

Weird Al Yankovic unveiled this year’s lineup for the Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival, announcing that Sir Paul McCartney would headline the four-day event along with Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and Mumford and Sons. What do you think?

  • “He’s got to be thrilled for the chance to share a stage with Marcus Mumford.”

    Robert Alonzo Brazer
  • “Good one, Weird Al. Now, how about we get someone who’s not a wiseacre to tell us the real Bonnaroo lineup?”

    Camille Surma Dynamometer Tester
  • “He must really like music.”

    Martin Veneziano Stamp Presser

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