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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Paul McCartney: Yoko Ono Didn't Break Up Beatles

In an interview with David Frost, Paul McCartney rejected the long-lived allegations that John Lennon’s wife, Yoko Ono, caused the Beatles’ breakup in 1970, stating that the band was already in the process of splitting up at the time. What do you think?

  • “I’m not going to watch. I’ll wait for the Frost/McCartney movie instead.”

    Wanda Klein Court Clerk
  • “Yoko may not have actually ‘broken up’ the Beatles, but let’s be fair here: All that screaming while flailing about onstage in a bag certainly couldn’t have helped the situation much either.”

    Greg Coady Door Installer
  • “I bet whoever Ringo was banging did it.”

    Alvin Randall Cruise Ship Captain

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