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Paula Deen Loses Ham Endorsement Deal

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Paula Deen Loses Ham Endorsement Deal

After it was revealed last week that Paula Deen used racial slurs and made a number of racist jokes, the prominent pork company Smithfield Farms, which boasted a line of Paula Deen–branded hams, has severed its ties with the celebrity chef. What do you think?

  • “What do they need her for anyway? Ham sells itself.”

    Sharon Weisser Art Appraiser
  • “Shoot, I had a great idea for an ad where someone stuffs a Smithfield ham in Paula Deen’s mouth whenever she starts to talk about black people.”

    Shawn Pressman Liquor Inspector
  • “Losing a ham endorsement deal after charges of racism—we’ve all been there.”

    Conrad Tully Typewriter Servicer

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