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PayPal Now Accepted At 15 Retailers

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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PayPal Now Accepted At 15 Retailers

Online payment service PayPal has struck a deal with 15 brick-and-mortar retailers, including JCPenney and Barnes and Noble, that will enable users to pay for merchandise with their phones. What do you think?

  • “Finally, the ease of paying for something online combined with the inconvenience of having to lug it around.”

    Matthew Dick Bath Mix Operator
  • “Sweet. Now if I just sell 20 more lots of hotel soap on eBay I can waltz into Penney’s and finally buy that pack of socks I’ve had my eye on.”

    Sadie Cowper Rope-Machine Setter
  • “I guess since I can't afford a phone that means I don't have to pay at all! Yay!"

    Bill Francks Office-Chair Assembler

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