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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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PayPal Now Accepted At 15 Retailers

Online payment service PayPal has struck a deal with 15 brick-and-mortar retailers, including JCPenney and Barnes and Noble, that will enable users to pay for merchandise with their phones. What do you think?

  • “Finally, the ease of paying for something online combined with the inconvenience of having to lug it around.”

    Matthew Dick Bath Mix Operator
  • “Sweet. Now if I just sell 20 more lots of hotel soap on eBay I can waltz into Penney’s and finally buy that pack of socks I’ve had my eye on.”

    Sadie Cowper Rope-Machine Setter
  • “I guess since I can't afford a phone that means I don't have to pay at all! Yay!"

    Bill Francks Office-Chair Assembler

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