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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Peanut Allergies May Be Cured

According to Duke University medical researchers, a cure for peanut allergies may be five years away. What do you think?
  • "Why didn't you tell me that you were going to mention peanuts? My throat is seizing up already! Quick, the epinephrine!"

    Jimmy Rawls Steam Fitter
  • "Did you know a peanut isn't really a nut? It's a legume! Did you know that? Huh?"

    Daniel Mahone Ice Cream Man
  • "Can they speed that up? I've got a pack of Nutter Butters that expires in 2010."

    Deirdre Barksdale Livery Driver

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