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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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'Peanuts' Movie In The Works

Twentieth Century Fox announced it will begin production on an animated movie of the iconic comic strip Peanuts and gave a targeted release date of November 2015, which coincides with the cartoon’s 65th anniversary. What do you think?

  • “Good call. Kids love defunct comic strips.”

    Steven Bradpiece Nursing Home Administrator
  • “Anyone against this project will be swayed by Linus’ heartfelt soliloquy on uplifting movie adaptations.”

    Ellis Nuth Frame Maker
  • “Can you tell them to wait? I have like 15,000 panels left to read before I get all caught up.”

    Betty Fong Extract Wringer

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