adBlockCheck

Pediatricians: School Should Start Later For Teens So They Can Sleep

Top Headlines

Recent News

How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Pediatricians: School Should Start Later For Teens So They Can Sleep

The American Academy of Pediatrics issued a formal policy statement Monday recommending that schools with teenage students should start no earlier than 8:30 a.m. because chronic sleep loss can cause teens to become overweight or depressed, get in more car accidents, and have a lower quality of life. What do you think?

  • “But sleepy students are way easier to indoctrinate.”

    Ava Marin Flight Attendant Trainee
  • “No way. It’s crucial to give teenagers the skills they need to slog through life half-asleep.”

    Stan Lazar Band Poster Designer
  • “And why do we want teens to be happy, again?”

    Jack Kamber Plant Biologist

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close